Out of sorts

Is it really only Tuesday? I feel like I've lived a year in the last three days. Everything just seems a hair off of where it should be. Some things are much more than that. A family at our old church lost their dad in Iraq last week and I've hardly been able to think of anything else since I heard about it. I cried on and off all day yesterday for this family, mostly for their son, who Maria teaches in Sunday School. Fourth grade Sunday School. Don't let yourself think about that for more than a few seconds or, if you're anything like me, you will fall completely to pieces.

I was able to occassionaly distract myself from crying over that heartbreaking tragedy by obsessing over the airline tickets we just bought to fly home for Christmas. I had managed to work myself into quite a dither by the time Scott got home last night, and was literally sick to my stomach all evening. Deep breaths, deep breaths. Note to self: find a place to board Krypto the week of Christmas today or we'll have to drive her to Richmond. Assuming we won't have to do that already.

There is absolutely nothing that I can do about either of these situations--well, okay, pray for the family, obviously--so I decided to put on a brave face and start today fresh. Woke up and it was pouring rain. Lovely. That's okay; it's not supposed to rain all day, so we can still run errands this afternoon as planned. If my mother taught me anything, it's that a healthy breakfast is the best way to start the day, so I decided to make the kids hard-boiled eggs. When I took the first carton out, it was heavy, so I knew without opening it that it was the newer carton. I'm so smart. I put it back and found the older carton. It only had 5 eggs left, so while I waited for the water to boil, I tried to figure out if I should give Will & Katie 2 eggs, and only 1 for me, or if Katie would want 3 and then Will and I would only get one each. Maybe I should just skip the eggs and let the kids have 2 1/2 each. Eventually--duh!--I remembered that I still had 18 eggs in the fridge. That's what I mean about everything being out of sorts. I'm not a ditzy person; I just don't seem to have the mental capabilities to deal with simple things.

I've been working on some cards for our monthly Stampin' Up stamp club. They are simple, but adorable. They should have taken an hour--maybe an hour and a half--to complete. It's been over a week, and I'm roughly half-way done. It's ridiculous, and I'm tired of looking at the stupid things.

I think I need to do a kickboxing video or something to shake some of these cobwebs out of my brain!

Grrr

I am so glad today is almost over. I have been in a rotten, rotten mood and every time I almost pull myself out of it, some idiot crosses my path and I get mad and mean all over again. Usually, believe it or not, I don't say anything to the idiots in my path, but today for some reason I've just been letting it all hang out. And I do mean letting it all hang out: I got in a fight, a real "Oh no you didn't!" whirl around, "say that to my face" fight...at church. (Good thing we're moving soon!!)

And later I said "punk-ass" (in reference to different idiot) in front of my mother about a half-dozen times. That's really desensitization therapy, though. I bet next time I say it, she won't get the vapors.

I have to admit, though, that blogging is just "formal" enough that I don't like to swear when I write. It reminds me of a quote I memorized in seventh grade: "Profanity is an ignorant mind trying to express itself forcefully." If I've slowed down/calmed down enough to write about something, I can usually clean it up and "use my words" to express my frustration. But today I am a giant three-year-old, who doesn't want to calm down or use my words. I'm going to indulge myself with this bad mood until I go to bed tonight and tomorrow, Miss Scarlett, is going to be another day.

I think I'll go watch the Sopranos on Tivo from last night. Hopefully somebody gets whacked.

Rat on a wheel

"They" warned me that the temptation would be to jump into too many activities. It's the classic rookie homeschooler mistake. In my defense, it's really sneaky the way things pile up. Archery lessons on Monday afternoons for 6 weeks--very doable. Add in MOPs on four of those Mondays, Pampered Chef parties on two of those Mondays, a doctor's appointment on one, and you see why my eye is twitching. At this moment, I have something--and usually two or three somethings--written on my calendar every single day for the rest of the month, except next Wednesday the 18th. It has NOTHING, and even though the library group is meeting that day, and even though I desperately need a haircut and even though Michelle works on Wednesdays, I am determined to keep that day completely unscheduled.

I know that I really need to jetison some activities and have more downtime. My blood pressure is contantly up, I'm having migraines every time I turn around, and let's not even talk about the insomnia. Archery will be finish up a week or two into November, so if I can keep from adding another activity in its place, maybe things will settle down enough to have a little breathing room. (As birthday and holiday season kicks off?? Right.)

Just really need to find some balance between what I need to do, what I want to do, what other people need me to do, and what other people want me to do!