I've sat on this for a couple of days to see if I really wanted to post it or not. I pretty much had a meltdown at the church we visited on Sunday. We went to the contemporary service, and I let down my guard for a second, and that's all it took. I didn't realize how I'd been practically holding my breath since we got here. During the singing part of the service, a thought flitted across my mind: "Maria would love this." And the next thing I knew, I was crying. I don't mean feeling a little sad, dab at the eyes crying. I mean end of Beaches crying. Tammy Faye Bakker mascara crying.
When the song ended, I decided the, um, choking sobbing sound was going to be a distraction to everybody else, so I slipped out and found the ladies' room. I was shocked to see I had a literal TFB mascara thing going on, plus two tiny red rabbit eyes. But I still couldn't pull myself together, even though somebody was in one of the stalls. I ducked into another stall so things wouldn't get awkward when she exited the stall. When I heard her leave, I came back out. Only she hadn't left. That wily little thing had waited out there for me. She introduced herself (Courtney) and asked, in that earnest teenage way, if there was something I wanted her to pray with me about. Mortified, I told her we had just moved here and I was missing a friend of mine.
She nodded in a very sympathetic and understanding way, then said, "Well at least you moved."
I know I must have a shocked look on my face because I was thinking, "WHA-A-AT?"
She continued blithely, "My friend died."
Well. That was certainly unexpected. Three days later, I'm still not sure what I could have or should have said in response. I did appreciate her, um, attempt to connect with me when I obviously had some big emotions going on.